Australians are always losing their Prime Ministers. Into the Bass Strait, in the Liberal Party Party Room, in the audience of a Keating! performance. To assist the nation, No Award has compiled a list of places you might look if you’ve recently lost your Australian Prime Minister.
- The No Award Staff Writers’ email thread (currently titled “die glorious on the jaffle road”)
- Cheviot Beach
- The pub
- A seedy hotel in Memphis, his pants at least, Malcolm Fraser
- Into a giant box marked BESPOKE SUITS $$$ HERE that is propped up on a stick connected to a piece of string which is held by John Howard
- Ritual sacrifice to the Spill Gods
- Under the light on the hill
- At the bottom of Lake Burley Griffin
- With their hand stuck in a wombat burrow
- The ANZAC Memorial
![Barton and Deakin]()
Somewhere in this sea of giant beards- Follow the trail of verbose swearing
- Helicopter on the way from Melbourne to Geelong
- Hand stuck in a fax machine
- Skulling beer from a yard glass at the UWA Tav (11 seconds, a world record)
- So corn farmers have this problem where they find their corn … plant … trees … completely denuded of corn from below a certain height, and corn-sated cats asleep on the ground. Like that, but it’s an onion farm, and it’s not a cat, it’s a former Australian prime minister. (The No Award Staff Writers aren’t sure Liz knows how onions work.) (Liz has googled how onions work and stands by her hypothesis.)
- On the John Howard Walk of Wonder, an actual thing that actually exists with that actual name.
- On a stamp
